Irrationally mad decision making to obtain the American Dream.

how to deal with being a shy nerd on a date

Nerd Ego Tripping – What not to do: Bring the girl you like to a horribly bad movie – Shutter Island – and a lot of delusional thinking and personal thoughts.

The story and how you’ll feel after you read this:
- A personal moment of being humble and inward laughing like a Buddha (i think he is smiling in his statue)
- A 2000 word intense essay on my fake-love life thanks to a vegan potluck, a super girl, a breezy rainy day, and a really bad movie. like they say in business “fake it till you make it” the same in dating right?

What you will learn:
- What not to do with a girl you like, how to ruin a perfectly great date or “time hanging out with someone you’d like to be your date”. Pretty girls, you just know, when you are hanging out with a nerd, he’s definitely into you.

P.S. the girl on the online dating website from russia isn’t into you either.

So here you are just an average guy or girl trying to get some play or to first base (getting her to consider first base – note: To me that is going on a real date). You are crazy about a girl you don’t even know you have only met once because she at least seemed interested in you. You may have taken it the wrong way due to the lack of confidence or over cockiness that you thought she was caught by your somewhat charming personality. I’d think nerd with cockiness would be some type of oxymoron. Your mojo has finally rubbed off, or you thought. I guess nerds come to quick false conclusions like picking stocks in the stock market they think are “it” and end up being complete losers. Ok, you are a nerd, and this is just one big dreamy thought – meeting a really cool gorgeous girl who digs you, every geeks fantasy.

So as you can already see my holy grail of a day with this girl I was so enthusiastic to meet completely failed. It started off as a dreary cold north-eastern rainy Saturday. I wanted it to be a sunny cheerful day for walking in the park, those increased upbeat feelings, and open-minded possibilities. We were suppose to meet at 1pm. It was still raining. At that point I should have just broke it off and rescheduled. God must have drunk a lot of wine on Friday because he just pissed hard all day Saturday. Yes, Sunday, some rain, but much clearer.

Damn, should have been plan C. Just get beers. Karaoke is always a good plan for last resort although hard to accomplish which would involve the three successful variables which would be

beers + increase mouth verbalness + really bad singing to each other = lasting impression & instant connection
Helps tearing down emotional walls (or in this case looks & money). If she can’t actually sing then you better sing twice as worse as you did before or pick a song that takes her off guard. If you get the gaze but feel the awkwardness I suggest taking it up a notch and sing a Duo Grease tune. That I think would break the ice…If you end up by yourself singing and she mysterious leaves don’t be sad. Sing to the old female in there who’s likely the bartender and make a new friend. will likely get a free drink. sometimes happens. In which, “hey anyone see where she went? crap she left when I started singing”. It was for the best man. for the best. waiting 2 hours to get that karaoke mic is like finally finding the holy grail! You become immortal up there, or at least for 3 minutes and some seconds I’d say as long as good sex for most women. Like women and men it’s all about the pre-game before turning the lights out that’s why making it to karaoke is the hardest. I would even go as far as if you did it on a first date it would be considered extreme dating, I’d even think a one-night stand would be typical off two random people who turn into lovers over bad sung songs and cheap rounds of high alcohol liquefied drinks. It kinda adds up. Hasn’t happened for me yet but be sure to let me know if you use this and it works for you with a girl you like.

I read her twitter and a few of her blog pieces which were rather interesting pieces. Funny enough she blogs about what I actually do. We have real things in common. I mean my mom is a social justice community leader, I help build eco-green products, work with eco-companies, both from similar places, and are website writers. I searched and surfed her name like a FBI agent trying to find out who this person is. I mean don’t most people do some internet stalking researching people through myspace/facebook/twitter/blogs it’s all there. Am I weird for doing so? Does it make me an internet stalker? Did she do the same thing? I’m a bit everywhere on the internet. Does anyone search me? I suppose you have to be famous to be searched on Google and she was basically became famous after I met her.

Continuing, I saw she wrote at the top “leaving -blank- in 4 days” so I had to go to plan B, a movie. A movie is always a great solution for a rainy day or though I thought. I thought Shutter Island was going to be good with a big reversal, WRONG. The movie was horrible and we sat next to each other with this dead stare into the screen of death. The visuals were okay, but I came for the story and acting which ended up making the movie that much worse. I believe Leonardo’s career is over. Well, back to “what not to do”, anyway, before the movie she caught me in the Chinese place I just got some food from. I was actually visualizing in my mind seeing her walk by so it was even more bizarre when she did. She just looked beautiful in her green rubber boots, sexy jeans, and coat with a friendly warm smile. A smile you want to see everyday. In the stormy rain we immediately went to the theater. I already felt by the time we got there I’d lost something I had before when I first met her at a vegan potluck party. No, I’m not vegan, but I eat a lot like one. So, we are sitting in the theater for 30 minutes before the show (yes, I’m an on time freak). I felt our conversation just weren’t the same. When I called her earlier in the day I could tell she was busy and at the same time the phone conversation was even not really where I imagined it would end. I’m not much of a phone conversationalist. I dream way too much. Back to reality – It went from total interest into me to total how much I did and well I haven’t done much in Brooklyn so the chatter kept dying off with silent periods that felt like emptiness when I am hungry. I thought what happened to that spark? At this point I’m thinking was there ever a spark? Even if she thought I was cute and didn’t like me I would have felt I had won, nothing, but won her thoughts for me for a second of the thought she analyzed me. At that point I almost felt inaccurate for her. She seemed so smart about artsy writing stuff and I’m more of the hands-on person. She seemed almost too pretty and sophisticated for a guy like me. I’m no genius, philosophy speaker, or book author lover.

I felt I was really stuck, cemented in the middle, in my seat. No escape. . It seemed like we were going in different directions. I wanted it to be one big great conversation. Maybe, it was just not the best chat there could be better ones ahead! It almost felt like once the movie started it saved me from being anymore boring or am I just being way too hard on myself? Over analyzing? Probabilities are high…. I don’t know if I bored her, but I felt something was wrong and even the strong feelings I had for her (where ever they came from) started to leave. She still remained a pretty young trendy girl with a cute almost valley high voice. Well, I still like her. Early in the movie I notice a guy with a gigantically tall head blocks her view. I wanted to immediately ask her to switch places with me to give her a better view. Getting so close to her to whisper in her eat frightened me. I’m rather shy, being so close to this exotic beautiful woman might turn me into some vampire monster. Rest assured I ate before we met up (haha) and I was able to gain the gentleman out of me to tell her to move to the seat on the left side of me. I don’t know if she realized my thoughtfulness and large fangs coming out of my mouth drooling (I’m joking), but it felt good to do something sweet finally for someone I really wanted to no matter how small it was.

So the movie ends, and I see her go for her phone. She looks at her phone like it’s her savior, from me. LOL. Ok, I’m probably exaggerating with that one, but the movie was really bad and there no new conversation starts about doing something afterwards, it was only sevenish on a Saturday hardly the real beginning and quite early to end the night.

It’s over I think, but then again if her giggles and interest are real then surely we’ll get coffee or a beer after disaster of plan B, loosen us both up, and speak more openly. Surely not, as we he the exiting doors she immediately says, “I’ve got things to do so I’m outta here” or something like that. I wasn’t in shock but then again I was likely being overly optimistic. Sometimes I wish girls would just blow me off in honestly then waste either of our time. I guess she was just being nice or trying to be a friend, she knew I was new to NYC. I mean, so was I, trying to meet new people. Okay false, I just actually wanted to be with her again and feel cool, see if she was single, and what she wanted in life. Another what not to do, take girl out on fake trial date. Just confirm its real date. I still had a good time with her. She made me feel cool, probably the coolest and interesting at the party more than like a few years worth. I know, I have terrible friends. The majority of my closest friends are still more interested in their own lives then consider anyone elses and there’s really no problem with that because they know what they want. Being shallow is okay it’s just harder to “fit” in, but you deal with that when you constantly travel and “knowing” someone is generally like “light butter or mayo” not full tasting like thick curry giving you sweetness with zings of spiciness. I did later find out she was going to leave and possibly leave NY permanently. I guess it’s for the best. Well, after we departed and even a bit before once I was brushed off like turd on your favorite sneakers around 8pm I started laughing in my soul and conciousness. I know she has other friends. I have to settle with the time I got which was dreamy until the movie. Intuition, if right, tells me I’m not going to hear back from her. From all the ladies I met I really wanted something more with her, but sometimes you don’t get what you want you get what you need. Well, I needed something refreshing and that was her. I fantasized about having this enjoyable spiritual walk with her in the sun, sitting in the park, eating apples or something. Dang you rain! I really don’t know what I was thinking. Hahaha. Seriously, did I think I have a chance, do I still? This dating game and meeting hot chicks is so overrated and tiring. Ok, so I’ve just become slightly more pessimistic and negative thinking, it happens to the best over achievers including myself.

So thanks a lot Shutter Island for being my fake-date killer. Funny, I’m like the main character stuck in this 4D imaginary world. I suppose my life and the movie were talking to me, say “stop living in a fantasy, deal with the real, and the realness is that I’m 29, my love life is like a desert, and I need to learn how to drill for water instead of thinking I see a mirage of green tropical paradise with cool water in the distance”. So again what not to do guys, dream. Just do it, like Nike. If you have to drink and take shots to gain the confidence to ask out that single girl by herself at the bar then do it. If it takes double that to kiss a girl you aren’t interested in but it’ll make her happy and you’ll kill your dry spell then do it. Karma’s a bitch, so do some good deeds and make all the girls happy even if you are miserable sometimes. Enough with the rambling…

I was hoping something fake could be real, well I’m going to believe what we had was real at the party. Who knows I might see her again at another one, bring a new dish of my latest curry recipes, share a little bit of awkwardness with her, and start fresh again. I guess like vegan meat it will never no matter how much seasoning you put on it taste like real meat. So the moral to the story boys and girls is to keep it real. Just go to the movie by yourself then you can only disappoint yourself. Save your fake dates for some fake dinners instead, even if they are really bad microwave dinners. You can always order take out.

——-

Okay initially stopped blogging my reflection of thoughts above, but I wanted to add what happened after 8PM.
I immediately go to guy-plan-AA, AA for lots of fun, and call some random guy I put an ad up for “need someone to go karaoke with right now” and he responded like most psycho individuals do. I guess he liked me so he didn’t drug or kill me. I think our relationship is strictly karaoke at this point since we don’t do anything else. He’s around 25, an accountant for a firm, and is a native New Yorker. I call him immediately after I depart the catastrophe that just happened and he’s all game about going out on an instant notice. I love that about some people. They don’t even think. It’s like instinct to say yes when they know they are going to have a blast hanging out with me…..hmmmm….let’s rewind here, yep, this afternoon was just not the best representation of me. So I make it back to my apartment change my drenched wet socks and shoes. I put on my boots, pour a half glass of Skyy vodka in my glass, add half glass of water into it, and top it off with an EmergenC packet of tropical vitamin C. It’s all I had so without anything else to mix it definitely worked.

I leave at 9:30pm to meet him at 10:30pm. Plenty of time for a 30 minute trip, wrong. The Nostrand A train is delayed 45 minutes because of rain which goes the incorrect route just to go back down to where I need to get to. I end up waiting another 45 minutes where it drops me off just to pickup the downtown train. I finally get off to let him know I’ll be late.

I arrive at 11:15pm. Typical, like most quiet guys he hasn’t made any friends in the bar. I told him on the way over to make some friends well I guess it’s just me. The bar, Winnies, is rather light crowded for a Saturday night which is good that means you might actually get to karaoke since the list is rather long. We throw in some songs and end up waiting around 2 hours to sing. During that time I tell him about my lovely day in which he replies “oh, already planning your whole entire life out with her, huh?”. This guy is a freaken mind reader. I guess nice guys just have natural telepathic minds. I was joking about the entire situation. It was blissful to be in an accepted environment. This guy understands how I think more than any friend I actually keep in touch with. It’s crazy. He may not even exist. He could be some angel or demon that only I see. There are signs, for one thing there was no interaction between others and him and the crazy asian guy sitting with us at the bar didn’t speak any english. Maybe he was as crazy as me and saw him to. The bartender did mention the crazy asian guy didn’t make any sense. Fuck it, this dudes cool, even if I am imagining people I want to exist.

So, we finally get some songs and kill the mic around 1:30AM. Later on a new group comes in around 3:00am. They immediately get songs. I find out they paid off the karaoke manager. I find out they’re NBC & New York Times producers. Cool gals for big shots. We sing our last song and head out. We still haven’t found a cool hangout spot so we just go to McDonalds. The big M is possible the worst place to go once you are hitting 30. It will be in my stomach for years….I was drunk so anything would have tasted good. We get some food and chill out then depart ways.

At this point around 4:00 AM I have been up over 48 hours without sleep. Insomnia can suck or be positive like having more time to do what I want. When I got home around 5:15AM I definitely started to feel drowsy as I saw the sun rise into my window. I go to sleep dreamless from my mind being over-worked for 2 days straight. Of course the next morning I volunteered to talk to an older woman by phone (well suppose to go on a walk in central park) around 11AM.

She was prompt! She wakes me up almost 5 hours later and then talks my head off for 5 hours straight. It is the longest conversation I had in, I dunno, my ENTIRE LIFE. I’m not a phone guy. I was basically just listening to her for 5 hours. I guess it helped in some way, she thought I was sweet. Finally after verbally telling her I needed to get off the phone I setup a time next week with her and for some reason I think it’s the main thing she is looking forward to. I never go back to sleep. I have to volunteer for another guys interviewie-documentary downtown in the city at 7PM. Now I’m off to that with the same train problems.

I get home finally at 10:30PM stay up till 5AM and in that time be inspired to write this almost 3000 word long blog which likely around 5-10 unique visitors will read each month for as long as it is up statistically. Those per souls. Monday begins….

logging off.
-pm


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